Many of us are plagued with habits that keep us from being the best that we can be in our job, our career, or in life. Say Hello,Wave Goodbye!™ is an innovative coaching approach that removes those destructive habits and allows you to move forward and gain success. This series of blogs addresses the 12 most common habits that hold you back. They are called Core Dynamics of Common Problems™, which are excerpted from my chapter in the book, Coaching for Success (2008). You’ll learn why you are stuck and how the removal of these dynamics will set you free to pursue your goals. I will cover one dynamic each week and describe how it affects you. Once you understand how these dynamics hold you back, I'll show you what I do to help you get rid of them and achieve the success you deserve.
1. Limiting Possibilities
This dynamic is based on the illusion that if you experience things fully you won’t be able to handle the feelings that come up and fear you’ll become overwhelmed emotionally. (And really, who among us ever wants to let anyone know we feel that we are freaking out?) This illusion comes from experiences of having been overwhelmed by intense feelings when we were very young. In order to avoid this overwhelming feeling, we make the inner decision to resist feeling things fully. Physiologically, as children, we only have so much ability to handle emotional crises because the place in our brain that is designed to handle difficult situations (spindle cells) has not matured. As adults this area grows and matures, enabling us to deal with complex situations without the fear of falling apart.
Tom Stone, President of Great Life Technologies, uses a computer analogy to explain this capacity. The original PCs operated on DOS. They often crashed if given complex programs. Today, we have Windows Vista, which handles hugely complex programs that DOS could never handle. The problem with humans is that many still operate emotionally on “DOS.” They don’t even realize they have an emotional “Windows Vista” operating system, capable of handling so much more. So one of the first things I do is dismantle that perception. When you are free of this obstacle, you say, “I can feel anything without fear of collapsing into being overwhelmed.” In other words, “I’m cool with it, bring it on.” In business, this will help you deal with complex issues without being an emotional wreck. You are able to take on assignments that are broader in scope and enjoy the responsibility and rewards that come with it.
Stay tuned for #2: Disregarding Your Instincts